Tag: revolution

Dear Jen- Perseverance- Pep Talk Needed



Dear Jen,

I know what you’re thinking. Well, of course I do because I’m you. You’re thinking that life is too hard, that the pain is too much and that you feel beaten down by this flare. You’re running out of steam, out of motivation and out of  – for lack of a better work “zest”.

We’ve been here many times before. And we give in to those feelings. We give up, shut down, isolate and hide. But not this time. This time we are going to practice a word called perseverance. Which basically means don’t you dare give up. Don’t let the lack of progress suck the the life out of you. You wanted a revolution. You wanted your eyes to have that spark again and you and only you can make that happen.

You have a big and busy week ahead of you. And you can do it. You can also get back to the track, and back on track with all the plans you had this year. Because you’re worth it and we can’t let the pain win. You deserve to have a happy life. Even if that life means you’re dealing with physical and emotional pain. So to ensure this week goes smoothly, extra self care is needed. Which means doing the extra things that help us feel good. Art, writing, going to bed early and planning out each and every day. Our word for the day is perseverance.  So suck it up, because future Jen will thank you.

Dedicated to my dear friend Alan, whose voice I can hear in my head saying all these things.

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Motivation? What’s That?


Motivation? What’s that? I haven’t been writing for some time, I just haven’t felt inspired. Not inspired to write, not really inspired to do anything. I know what you’re thinking, what happened to all that motivation and zest from the beginning of the year? And the truth is I have no idea. I guess it happens to the best of us. We find ourselves suddenly stagnant, no longer moving forward. We set goals and they seem so far away we worry we’ll never reach them so we just stop moving toward them. The plus side is I don’t think I’ve moved backward.

At the beginning of the year I talked about a revolution. And I still want one. All it takes is making the choice to take that small step forward. The choice to do things a little differently. It’s never too late to start up again. And this post for me is that first step.

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Reaching Out

Why is it so hard to reach out and ask for help? Is it something to do with the western culture? Is it supposed to look like we can have a million balls in the air, and that we’re managing them all to perfection oh and if you’re a woman you also have to look beautiful while doing it. I don’t get it. I’m tired of it.

I’m not managing well right now folks. Anxiety is sky high. I keep waiting for it to pass but there it is every morning greeting me as I wake. It’s still 2017 and I still want a revolution but I’ve come to realize I can’t do it by myself. I need some help. I need your help. This is me reaching out.

I need to meet you for coffee or have you come here. I might need you to come to a doctors appt with me. Or drive me on an errand if my pain is too high. I need you to remind me that I am safe even though I don’t feel safe. I need reassurance that I’m making good choices for myself.

I need you to understand if I cancel our plans at the last minute because my anxiety takes over or if I have a sudden doctors appointment which happens on occasion.

I need help remembering that beauty comes from within, and that my ultimate goal for this year is health and wellbeing not weight loss.

I need help remembering that I’m not alone and that I have friends that care about me, maybe even love me. Even if I feel undeserving.

I need reminders every now and then that I’m a good wife and good mother despite my limitations,

I need you to be a pain warrior sidekick. And remind me that I can kick this years ass with amazingness and change for myself now and for future Jen.

I may never be able to return the favours. I may never deserve the kind of friends that I’ve been blessed with. Reaching out feels scary and vulnerable. But this is me reaching out.

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Bell Let’s Talk Day -January 25th 2017

Bell Let's Talk Day


Tomorrow is January 25th 2017 and all around Canada people will be participating in different mental health initiatives to raise awareness and end the stigma of mental illness. It’s called Bell Let’s Talk day. So let’s talk…

If you’re new to the blog, you might not know that I suffer from a few mental illnesses. I have depression, generalized anxiety disorder, social anxiety disorder, Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and a dissociative disorder. It doesn’t matter or shouldn’t matter how I got here. Or how I ended up with these diagnosis. What matters is where do I go from here?

What do I do? I feel like I’m doing everything I can. I’m attending weekly therapy sessions, I see my psychiatrist monthly to monitor medications- though at the moment I’m looking for a new psychiatrist. I hope to start attending weekly support groups for depression and anxiety. These sessions are offered free in our community, I just need to find the courage to show up. A lot easier said then done.

Unfortunately, there are no support groups in our community for people who suffer from PTSD, the closest outpatient one is in Mississauga and it’s far from free. I wish there was something closer as I could really use the support, but I think that’s what Bell Let’s Talk Day is also about -raising money to use towards mental health initiatives. For every call and text, for bell customers Bell is donating 5 cents. For every hashtag #BellLetstalk used on social media Bell is also donating 5 cents towards mental health initiatives. So be sure to hashtag and text your heart out.

So, getting back to me. If you want to show your support, you can by just being here for me. You could engage me on Facebook, I use Facebook quite a bit to stay in touch with friends as it feels safe. You could read my blog, my biggest outlet for thoughts and emotions. Leave a comment, ask me questions, show interest. All of these things help me feel less alone and less isolated. Sometimes going out is a challenge for me but having you over for a tea visit (if we’re friends) is also an option. Your prayers and love from afar are also much appreciated. Write me a card or letter, or just send me good thoughts. All of these things are helpful and remind me that I’m important to you.

How will you be supporting Bell Let’s Talk Day?

If you yourself are in distress and are in need of assistance please don’t hesitate to call HERE 24/7. They are an amazing crisis line with access to many services. 1-844-HERE-247 (437-3247)


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