Happy New Year! The new year often marks a time when people reflect about the previous year and start thinking about what they might want to accomplish in the next. At least its always been that way for me. I can’t say that I’ve been the best at creating resolutions and sticking to them, in fact I usually fail miserably. So this year, I decided not to set any resolutions at all. Instead I want a REVOLUTION. I want to shake the cobwebs off this life I’ve been living and move from simply existing day to day in this reactive mode where things happen to me and I react, to a place where I am living more purposefully and am proactive in the life I am creating for myself.
There are things I have no control over. I have no control over my pain. I medicate, I do the modalities I need to function like physio and massage therapy but the pain is always there. I have very little control over my anxiety and mental illnesses (at least right now) I medicate and I do the modalities I need to function like therapy and seeing my psychiatrist, but I’m still hit with panic and anxiety attacks and I still feel afraid a lot of the time. But I can’t live another year with just this- pain and appointments.
I started thinking about the things in my life that I do have control over. And the biggest realization I had was that I don’t love myself and because of that I don’t take care of myself. It’s the little things, like getting dressed everyday or as simple as flossing. It’s the big things like nutrition and self acceptance (gulp), and dare I say it- feeling like I am worth something. These are things I can take control of, that I can add to my life.
I’m 40. And my spark is gone. I have no passion, no enthusiasm, no zest for life. But I have to believe, need to believe that I can change that. It won’t happen all at once. Or overnight, but little by little, day by day I can make small changes, take small steps in the direction I want my life to go. Because it is my life, an no one can live it but me.
That’s why I say its time for a REVOLUTION! Time to shake things up. If life is a story, I want mine to be a bestseller. I hope you’ll follow along with me.