I feel like I’ve not been coping. Pain has been really high for the last while, nothing seems to relieve it. Not my meds, not hot baths, or walks, or massage therapy, or my beloved heating pad. But through all this, and despite the pain somehow I’ve coped. I’m still here.
My best friend and I were taking about this very thing the other night, here’s a couple of screen shots:
We came up with chapter headings for an imaginary book called Coping: A How to Guide.
Chapter One : Wifi
What would I do without wifi? It connects me with my friends and family as well as my online pain community. All of the above are like a lifeline for me. Especially since I can’t get out as much as I would like to.
Chapter Two: BFF
We text everyday. She reminds me of how well I’m doing given my circumstances and will never let me give up or stay in a pity party too long. She makes me lol, and also understands my tears.
Chapter Three: Good Drugs
This, in reality is hit or miss. Sometimes the “good drugs” help, sometimes they do nothing at all.
Chapter Four: Understanding family ( and friends)
I’d be lost without my family. My husband is a supportive caregiver and has taken over most if not all the house responsibilities. He loves me unconditionally and that makes me a very lucky woman. My son, is so understanding and helpful. Parenting while in pain is not easy, but I’m so blessed that we seem to have kept the bond we had before I got sick. My mom who is always there for me. Friends who reach out to me even though there lives are busy.
Chapter Five: Junk Food
My favourites- Dill pickle chips, chocolate covered almonds and white cheddar popcorn with the odd A&W teenburger thrown in.
Chapter Six: Courage
I need courage for so many things. Medical appointments, speaking up and voicing my concerns, medical procedures. Courage that I can make it through hours of pain, and still wake up the next day. Courage to live a life with a major component I hadn’t planned on.
Chapter Seven: Silent Inside Voice Cursing
I think this is self explanatory- I won’t share my favourite swear words.
Chapter Eight: H.O.P.E.
Hold on pain ends. Hope that something will help, pain will ease, something might cure my illnesses and pain. I hang on to that hope everyday. It keeps me going.
What are some ways you cope? What chapters would you add to my book?
For the past few months I’ve been uninspired. Dealing with my illnesses has taken over my life and it has felt like I’m merely existing day to day instead of really living. You know that feeling of facing the same, day in and day out. For some people it’s the job they face daily only to be too exhausted to doing anything productive at night. For me it’s pain and appointments, pain and appointments.
A month or so ago, I decided that things just had to change. I wanted to learn something new. I needed a distraction, something to keep my mind busy. My aunt had taught herself to crochet just before Christmas so I enlisted her help to learn how. And I haven’t stopped since. It has become my new distraction, but not only that, it’s a true exercise in mindfulness. I get lost in the stitches, the repetition, and definitely the concentration that’s needed. I can’t think of anything else while stitching, as any project I’m working on takes my full attention, and there has been such freedom in that. For a little while I’m not thinking about how much pain I’m in, or how much more might be on the way. I feel like I have some control over my own life experience even if it’s short lived. (my new change purse is below)
Have you learned anything new lately? What have you always wanted to try?
Here’s the pattern for the change purse: http://www.oneartsymama.com/2014/12/simple-crochet-pouch.html
My life is currently spent in a waiting room, wondering when my name will be called.
At least that’s what it feels like. I’m open to suggestions for ways to pass the time. Leave an idea below and I’ll compile a list and post it.
What is the perfect day? What would it be for you? Would it include a beach at sunset, or your favourite meal? Perhaps time with loved ones, or hot chocolate by the fire?
My good friend and I were discussing this very thing the other night. He talked about his quest for the perfect day. I was surprised at what he described. I expected dreams of adventure, or the inclusion of an exotic destination with the perfect girl by his side. But his goals were on a much smaller scale, and much more focused on his internal wellbeing versus anything that would come externally. He described a day where he really looks after himself, body, mind and soul. He thinks about exercise and nutrition and what he puts inside his body. He thinks about reading and what he feeds his mind. He thinks about what he can do to inspire his soul.
It got me to thinking. What do I do to take care of myself? Right now I feel like I’m merely existing. Sure, I cope with pain meds, and treatments. I distract with music, and colouring and writing. But what do I do to nurture myself? What if the time I spent warring against this body that causes me such pain, I spent loving it instead. What if a perfect day for me was spent seeing myself in a loving way and doing things for myself that reinforced that love. Would it eventually impact my perspective on the rest of the world? On my life? I think it would. And I want to find out.
What would your purpose be?